Varalaxmi Sarathkumar has opened up about a deeply personal decision that many people, particularly women, are still often expected to explain: choosing not to have children. The 41-year-old actor, who married Mumbai-based businessman and gallerist Nicholai Sachdev in 2024, said she and her husband have consciously decided not to have children together. Speaking to video jockey Bharanee Suresh on Behindwoods TV, Sarathkumar made it clear that her decision is a choice, not an inability to become a mother. “I personally said I am not interested in having children,” she said. “It is not that I can’t have. I don’t want to have children. There is a very clear choice that I don’t want to have. My husband also doesn’t want to.”She also pointed out that Sachdev already has a daughter from a previous marriage, whom she considers part of her family. The couple also have two puppies whom she describes as her children. Her comments have opened up a wider conversation about whether consciously choosing not to have children can itself be viewed as a responsible decision.
30 Sept 2026 | 13:16
Does your child come to you when upset, or do they prefer to deal with their emotions alone?
Parenthood begins with a conscious choice
Psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach Delnna Rrajesh told The Indian Express that society has traditionally presented parenthood as an expected stage of adulthood, particularly for women. For generations, the expected sequence has often been education, career, marriage and children. The question is usually about when someone will become a parent rather than whether they actually want to. But becoming a parent involves responsibilities that extend far beyond providing financially for a child. “Parenting requires time, emotional availability, patience, consistency, lifestyle adjustments and the willingness to repeatedly place another person’s developmental needs alongside one’s own,” Rrajesh explained.She noted that having a child can influence almost every aspect of life, including careers, relationships, finances, sleep, personal freedom, identity and everyday priorities. That does not mean parenthood is inherently negative or burdensome. For people who genuinely want children, raising them can be one of life’s most meaningful experiences. The important point, she said, is that something can be deeply meaningful for one person without necessarily being the right choice for everyone.
Not wanting children does not need an explanation
One of the important distinctions in this conversation is between not wanting children and believing that someone would be incapable of being a good parent. According to Rrajesh, people who choose to remain child-free do not necessarily need to identify a trauma, personal flaw or other justification to make their decision acceptable. “Not wanting parenthood can itself be sufficient information about the life they consciously wish to build,” she said. The same principle can apply in the opposite direction. People should not feel pressured into having children simply because their parents expect grandchildren, their friends are becoming parents or they believe marriage automatically comes with an obligation to have children.“A child should not be brought into the world primarily to resolve social pressure,” Rrajesh said. She also highlighted an important distinction between wanting a baby and wanting to become a parent. The excitement surrounding pregnancy or a newborn is only the beginning. Parenting involves years of everyday responsibilities, from caring for a young child to helping teenagers develop independence.
There is no single right path to a meaningful life
Sarathkumar’s decision does not suggest that choosing parenthood is less responsible. Similarly, people who choose not to have children should not be viewed as less caring or less fulfilled. “There is no psychologically superior choice. There is only a more or less conscious one,” Rrajesh said. Some people deeply want children, while others do not. Some remain uncertain, while others may change their minds. There are also people who want children but cannot have them because of infertility or circumstances beyond their control. That is why conversations about parenthood require sensitivity rather than assumptions.Perhaps the bigger change society needs is to stop treating motherhood as an inevitable destination for every woman. Asking women when they plan to have children can turn a deeply personal decision into a public expectation. Choosing to become a parent can be a conscious decision. So can you choose not to become one. As Rrajesh put it, responsible parenthood begins with understanding the magnitude of raising another human being and making that decision as consciously as possible.
