You are getting ready for an important meeting and quietly rehearse what you want to say. You misplace your keys and mutter, “Where did I leave them?” Or, after a difficult conversation, you go over it aloud, trying to understand what went wrong. Talking to yourself may feel awkward when someone catches you doing it, but it is a common part of how people think. Sometimes it helps organise a task; at other times, it allows people to work through an emotion or prepare for a difficult situation.Psychologists call this ‘self-talk.’ It can take place silently, as an internal dialogue, or aloud, when a person speaks to themselves. Research suggests that self-talk can support planning, attention, memory and emotional regulation, although its effects depend on what a person says to themselves and the situation they are facing.A 2023 review published in Frontiers in Psychology examined the research on self-talk and described its many possible functions, including problem-solving, self-reflection, working memory, emotional expression and regulating behaviour. The research also highlighted limitations in how self-talk is measured, meaning that not every proposed benefit has been established equally well.
Why talking to yourself can help organise your thoughts
Some problems become easier to manage when they are broken into words. Saying “First, I need to finish this email, then call my friend” turns a vague sense of being overwhelmed into a sequence of actions. Self-talk can also help people keep their attention on a task. Rather than holding every instruction in their head, they can verbalise the next step, check what they have done and remind themselves what comes next.A 2023 study tested this idea with 103 young adults who completed a visual-spatial working-memory task. Participants performed better when instructed to talk aloud to themselves than when instructed to remain silent. Those who used more task-related self-talk also tended to benefit more.
How self-talk may help manage emotions
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People often replay a disagreement, prepare for an uncomfortable conversation or remind themselves to stay calm before an important event. This is another way self-talk can be useful: it gives a person a way to examine a situation rather than react to it immediately. The words used can matter. Telling yourself, “I can take this one step at a time,” may help you focus on what is manageable. Repeating, “I always mess everything up,” may instead reinforce a negative interpretation of the situation.Research on distanced self-talk suggests that changing how you address yourself can sometimes help you manage difficult emotions. Instead of asking, “Why am I so upset?”, you might ask, “Why is this situation upsetting me?” or address yourself by name.In a 2017 study, researchers examined how people responded to unpleasant images and negative personal memories. Participants who used their own name or second- or third-person language when reflecting on the experience showed reduced activity in a brain region associated with self-referential processing, compared with those using first-person language. The findings suggest that creating some psychological distance from an experience may help people regulate their emotional responses.
Is positive self-talk always better?
Not necessarily. Self-talk can be encouraging, practical, critical or repetitive. Its usefulness depends partly on whether it helps a person respond constructively to a situation. A study found beneficial effects for positive, instructional and motivational self-talk. Instructional self-talk involves directing yourself through a task, while motivational self-talk focuses on confidence or effort.For example, “Keep your eyes on the ball” provides a specific instruction, while “Stay focused; you can do this” offers encouragement. Both may be useful in the right circumstances. However, negative self-talk does not affect every task in the same way, and the review found that its effect on performance was not consistently harmful. The researchers also found inconsistent evidence that instructional and motivational self-talk worked differently depending on the task.The bigger concern is when internal dialogue becomes repetitive and self-critical without helping a person reach a clearer understanding or decide what to do next. Repeatedly revisiting the same mistake while blaming yourself may leave you more distressed rather than better prepared.
How to use self-talk more constructively
Self-talk does not have to be elaborate. A few simple changes can make it more practical:
- Give yourself a clear next step: Instead of thinking, “I have too much to do,” identify one action you can begin now.
- Use questions to gain perspective: Ask, “What do I know about this situation?” or “What would I tell a friend facing the same problem?”
- Separate a mistake from your identity: Replace “I am terrible at this” with “This part did not go well; what can I change next time?”
- Try distanced language when emotions run high: Using your name or asking what you would advise another person may help you look at a difficult situation from a different perspective.
- Notice when the conversation becomes repetitive: If you keep revisiting the same worry without finding a new insight or possible action, try writing down the concern or discussing it with someone you trust.
Talking to yourself is not, by itself, evidence of a mental health problem. People differ in how often they use internal dialogue and whether they speak their thoughts aloud. What matters more is how self-talk affects their thinking, feelings and everyday functioning.
